Tried to be Generous but Allah Tested Me
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
I used to have this bad habit, which is being stingy. pls, don't hate me. This habit evolved within me since I was a kid. I don't know why and how. It was just there. One thing that I can assure you is that I have bad behaviour because I was far from Him.
senang cerita, masih jahil lagi.
The thought of giving away money scared me because I'm scared of poverty hahaha ((i'm so dumb))
That is why learning is important. Learn and get to know our own religion is reaallly reaaallly important. Read Rasulullah SAW and his sahabah's stories. Understand and bear in mind. Try to do the same thing as them.
It was a mistake of me to think of that sharing what you have, will lessen your 'assets'. That is absolutely wrong. In fact, Allah will give us more and more.
" The example of those who spend their wealth in the way of Allah is like a seed [of grain] which grows seven spikes; in each spike is a hundred grains. And Allah multiplies [His reward] for whom He wills. And Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing. " (2:261)
Therefore, a few months ago, I wanted to erase this stingy habit of mine, by being sincerely sharing my food. It might be a small deed to you, but it was definitely a step of me to remove my stingy-ness.
That day, I had to work with a group of friends for my club's activity. We worked all day long. Subhanallah very tiring. Certainly, after working so hard, I was so hungry. I decided to buy spaghetti. It costs RM6. RM6 is quite expensive for a student like me and the spaghetti was not that much tho. But at that moment, that was the only food that I could buy. So, I bought it.
I went back to my group of friends. While I was walking towards them, my heart suddenly whispered to me. 'Maybe this is the time for you to share what you have for the sake of Allah with full of sincerity'.
'Yup, this is the time'
"Nak rasa spaghetti?" I asked my friends. And of course, who would refuse free food. Each of them took a spoon of it. The spaghetti passed on and on to everyone. It disappeared little by little followed by thanks from them.
At last, the container of spaghetti came back to my hands. There was only about a spoonful left. ps: I didn't take a bite yet. I smiled. Trust me, I was so happy that I could share my food and throw away my stingy-ness. Alhamdulillah
I got up from them and wanted to sit somewhere else－better and proper place because I was literally 'mencangkung'. So I need a place to sit properly. However, life is not that easy. As I was trying to stand up, I accidentally slipped the spaghetti off my hands. Just like thaaat!
I screamed. They screamed. We all screamed. What a tragedy. I was speechless. Can you imagine, I was so hungry. I bought the spaghetti but I didn't even eat a string of it hahaha I am literally laughing right now.
"Ya Allah insyi! Insyi sempat makan tak?" a best friend of mine asked. I smiled and said, "Sempat sempat" I lied because I had to. ((if you read this, I'm sorry)) I didn't mean to lie, I just don't want my friends to feel bad about it. Thankfully, they helped me to clean all the mess. Thank you :')
The magical thing from that event was that I didn't feel hungry even though I didn't get to eat or even taste the spaghetti. As I said, the reason why I bought the spaghetti was that I was so hungry. However, I didn't feel hungry after that. That moment, I realized, it is all from Allah.
I learnt that sometimes when you wanna do good, there will be challenge(s) to it. Maybe syaitan stops us from doing it. But, don't lose to syaitan. Keep on doing it, because Allah will give you more and more pahala inshaAllah. Allah will help us. He will always.
Another lesson is that we should expect that anything could happen. Allah will always test us. So be strong and don't stop believing in Him. In fact, EVERYTHING is from Him. From my story, I said at the end that I didn't feel hungry anymore, right? Yes, I realized that everything is from Him.
Hungry is from Him. Feeling full is also from Him. No matter how well you fed, if Allah gives you hungry, you will stay hungry. If you eat a tiny bit of bread, if Allah gives you the feeling of full with His blessings, that tiny bit of bread is enough for you.
Hence, believe that everything is from Him. Allah is sufficient for us. May Allah always bless and guide us with his Rahmat.